These Words given by My Father That Saved Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - taking a few days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."