Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's top hosts devoted the broadcast ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas song about the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins all he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative which enables international citizens to buy U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. A government portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"A brief message here to affluent foreigners: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, with large fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best screening the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.