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Tech District, CA 94105
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Balancing my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship
As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again.
Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy
I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, frequently resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting what you want completely … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.
Christine Klein
An avid explorer and travel writer with over a decade of experience in documenting remote destinations and outdoor adventures.
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